hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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