I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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