Cold hands, warm shart.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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