not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
