I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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