batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
