I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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