i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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