I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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