walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
