He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
