Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
