I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
