So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
