Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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