this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
