that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
