M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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