YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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