Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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