You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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