Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
