We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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