I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
