Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
