This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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