tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
