I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
