I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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