see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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