i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
