you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
