Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
