You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize