I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
