Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize