After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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