Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
