I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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