So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
