on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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