Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
