Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
