you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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