This is not my ceiling
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The air taste purple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
