I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
