Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
