Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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