Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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