It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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