you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
