I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
