i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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