Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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