i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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