dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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