So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
