btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
