Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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