I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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