i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
